That moment when you realize you can do nearly any daily household task (brushing teeth, folding laundry, taking supplements, feeding dogs) while full-on sobbing.
Because grief calls for honoring. Because it arises on its own timing and not at convenient times in the calendar. Because suppressing it is more of a betrayal. Because there’s a *flow* to it, a rising and falling, that I’m becoming fascinated with.
Because I’ve learned that far from being a terrifying attacker, a black malevolence that will drown me….grief is trustworthy. There’s a *there* there, if that makes any sense. Clean grief (and I’ve learned not to wound myself anymore, mostly) is actually something you can lean on, collapse into, and it will hold you.
Because life still needs to happen.
And most of all – because I contain multitudes. Because paradox is the essence of aliveness. Because I can weave the wildly disparate strands of my being into a shining, complex whole, in each moment of time, as they slide through my fingers, and know they are ALL true and I don’t need to choose.
I am wracked with loss, AND the dogs need dinner. I am so angry at the unnecessary pain that happens when fear has the wheel, AND I need to take my supplements so I stay healthy *now*.
Filed under: things I never imagined I’d say but am reluctantly impressed by nonetheless.
Love to all of you, my dears.